The Myth About Happiness

During my master’s program at MSU, I came across a book called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. Reading this book brought me back to my contemplative studies in yoga and Buddhism, which focus on mindfulness and present moment awareness. In Harris’s book he discusses happiness as a present moment emotion, not something to obsess about.

At the time I had no idea anyone had even written a book about our human obsession with happiness. But there it was! Validating my intrinsic need to not be happy all of the time. It is exhausting, this need to be happy, this pressure and belief that we are supposed to never be sad. Messages that pop into mind from my childhood like, “don’t be sad,” “stop crying,” “everything is fine,” simply seemed to reinforce the happiness obsession.

This is not to say I don’t believe in a positive outlook. Because I absolutely do! Positive language like, “glass half full” perspectives, encouraging self-talk, and uplifting affirmations can be powerful and such a gift in how me move through our world. Like the law of attraction, what we put out into the world, we receive. In fact, there is a wonderful poem called Thinking, by Walter D. Wintle that is a lovely reminder of this.

However, for this article I’m referring to toxic positivity, which is an entirely different beast; a core belief that if we are not happy, something is broken in us. That is toxic and not the same as a positive outlook on life.

I’m not sure where the toxic positivity came from, but if I were to guess, it seems to be a very western culture perspective. And mostly branching from the age of technology. Perhaps we can even say as far back as the industrial revolution, because discovering and creating “convenience” had become popular around that time. During the industrial revolution, the western world in particular, changed massively and has continued to progress with technology in a way that is focused on creating contentment and convenience for human beings. Not to mention the creation of ways to compare our contentment through social media. This inevitably led to messages of, “we should be happy” and “look at how happy I am, aren’t you?”, and my favorite, “living my best life!”

I have no exact research to back this idea. it is only my personal perspective from what I know of history and psychology. Take what you want from it. However, my training and education in neuroscience does give me a unique perspective on emotions. And as I am sure you can attest to, there are many! A spectrum of colorful emotions that bubble up inside us from our brains. These emotions are signals and communicators, helping us understand our values, what is important to us, what we do not like, where our limits are, etc. That is the purpose of emotions. So, in truth we are supposed to feel all of them. Not just happiness.

And happiness is just one of our emotions, meant to be felt in joyful moments, not all day, every day. The “should” be happy message seems to have translated into an obsession with being happy. As though happiness was something to attain or a state of being, rather than just what it is, an emotion.

There is no such thing as “should be happy.” It is a myth! Happiness is felt in the present moment, when it is supposed to be felt. When you laugh, you are probably feeling happy in that moment. Maybe happiness washes over you when you see your favorite painting, read your favorite book, or when you get to travel. When you accomplish something and feel a sense of elation, this is a form of happiness.

Happiness is not a destination, or a “should.” It is just a human emotion.